Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer has revealed her latest surprise, announcing that the company “is now committed to great journalism.”
“With almost 150 million unique visitors per month, our company is the most dominant media presence in the world,” she said. “It’s time for us to commit to serving this massive audience responsibly.”
At least one media critic applauded the move. “The decline of American journalism in the Internet Age is no secret,” said Aprile DiPesce, Associate Professor of Mass Communications at Manhattan City University. “When Yahoo lost its dominance in search to Google, journalism became a mad scramble to get the best Google rankings possible. This became a mad scramble to the bottom.”
“This devolution was accelerated by a culture of publishing things first, rather than getting them right,” DiPesce added. “An emphasis on vapid entertainment stories and misleading headlines emerged as the industry norm. Yahoo’s bold announcement may finally reverse these ugly trends.”
Mayer said the company will drop most of what she referred to as “lame” and “calorie-free” content feeds, in favor of creating “a world-class journalistic infrastructure and team. Not only will our writers and editors be required to know spelling and grammar, they will be expected to write serious, well-researched pieces with multiple sources, quotes, and facts.”
When asked where people should now seek specious gossip, uninformed opinion, and inane sports blogs, Mayer said “people can always visit MSN. The First Amendment allows companies to publish useless garbage. We have simply chosen not to do this anymore.”
A source also indicated that Yahoo comments will be closed down, with the anticipated effect of angering boors, conspiracy theorists, and lunatics throughout the world.
In related news, Google has also issued a strategic statement, saying it is re-committing itself to its original “don’t be evil” mission. The company said it expects to shed 98% of its revenue, with the impact on its stock price remaining unclear.